Finding Balance Amidst Challenges
We are 6.5 years into parenting Sam and while I will never claim to have all the answers, I can tell you what has worked for us and what hasn't! I have said it before but the resources and support for parents is so MINIMAL. It's hard enough getting our kids they things they needs, and for us, as parent's there's next to nothing. At the end of the day when we collapse into bed after another exhausting, hamster-wheel day of caregiving I want you to feel like you have a few tools in your back pockets for when you are feeling totally depleted. Managing stress is essential for your well-being and your child's. Easier said that done though right? I understand! Hopefully in this post, you will gain some insight into stress and what triggers things for you, how you can cope and a few techniques for you to use in the day to day of your busy, non-stop life! After all the goal is thrive, not just survive!
Identifying Common Stressors for Special Needs Parents
Understanding the sources of stress is the first step towards managing it effectively. I get that almost every day and at any moment there is stress. In our life it is inevitable! Here are some common stressors that special needs parents often face:
1. Navigating the Unknown: The uncertainty of your child's condition and future can be a major source of stress. It's natural to worry about what lies ahead. The fear of the unknowns and the future can feel very overwhelming and daunting.
2. Advocacy and Advocacy Fatigue: Advocating for your child's needs and rights can be emotionally draining. Many parents feel the weight of this responsibility. It's hard to always have to fight for everything you need for your child.
3. Financial Pressures: The costs associated with therapy, medical care, and specialized education can lead to financial stress. The endless insurance battles and therapies are constant without an end in sight.
4. Balancing Responsibilities: Juggling caregiving with work, household chores, and other family responsibilities can become overwhelming and not having enough help or a break can really lead to things pilling up.
Understanding these stressors is the first step in managing them effectively.
Coping Mechanisms and Relaxation Techniques
Now that we've identified common stressors, let's explore some coping mechanisms and realistic thinking for each one and I am going to give you experiences from our life as an example. Navigating the unknowns- after years of therapy I have learned to stop the "rabbit hole" thinking as I call it. The spiraling thoughts aren't helpful or productive on a daily basis. So, I have learned to stop the thinking, ground myself in the truths I know now, and focus on that. Ex- Sam is headed to kinder and I start to think "what happens if this doesn't work" , "what if this school doesn't work for him" "what if _____"- I have to actually say Sara STOP. What do I know to be true in this moment. Then I state the truths. "We had a good IEP meeting. We have no indication at this time that this isn't going to work. And IF something happens we will figure it out because we always have". And I repeat this to myself as many times as it takes until I start believing it. If I find myself in a really dark spiral I will take a 5 minute mental break and put on a calming meditation. I cannot tell you how powerful that is for grounding my thoughts and pulling me out of that rabbit hole! These practices can help you stay grounded and present, reducing stress and anxiety. Advocacy and Advocacy Fatigue- When it comes to advocating and dealing with that- my best resource is to always talk it out with another mom on this journey. I turn to my community. I ask for advice, I ask for resources and I just let it out! Sometimes having an outside perspective can help you see things in a different way. I also find it really comforting to know that I am not alone in dealing with these things, Theres so much comfort in being vulnerable enough to share with someone. You were not meant to do this journey alone! There has been so many times when I reached out for help to the community on social media or my close friend group and it has helped create clarity or opened up a door to another resource for Sam. Just recently I took to social media to reach out for help with our insurance company and it was exactly what I needed to open a new door for him. It is so important to share your experiences and seek support from those out there doing this journey along side of you! Financial pressures - Depending on the state you are in this can look very different and depending on your families financial situation too. The constant costs of therapies and dealing with insurance claims can cause a lot of stress. I recently spent 4 months of constant phone calls trying to get Sams therapies approved so we could stop paying our out of network rate for things. It really adds up and the reality is that most families cannot handle all of the financial extras that come with raising a child with a disability. It's important that you look up your states disability services- maybe there is something you can apply for that you didn't know about. There have been times when we took therapy breaks or postponed things because we just couldn't deal with it at the time. Just remember different seasons you will have more capacity than others, and just to remember to do the best you can do and that is enough!
Balancing responsibilities- This has really evolved for us over the last 6 years. When Sam came along, he required so much care it was impossible to fall on just one person. I highly encourage you and your partner to constantly reevaluate what is and isn't working with the responsibilities around the house and with the child. Somewhere along the way most moms got a memo that we had to wear the badge of doing the most and never ask for help. Well that ship sailed for me. I don't want to do it all and I refuse! Thankfully, I have a spouse that really picks up my slack, but the biggest piece of advice to you is to ASK FOR HELP. Off load your to do list and juggling all the things and really sit down and figure out how to divide and conquer better. Communication is the biggest piece of advice here- speaking up when you need help, when you need a break! You need to advocate for yourself the same way you advocate for your child! During covid we started to do our Sunday meetings where we would go over the schedule for the week and I would always ask myself these 3 questions... What do I need help with this week? What can I take off my plate? What do I have to look forward to? When you don't let things pile up, your emotional resiliency is stronger and you are better able to handle the day to day stress ahead of you!
Building Emotional Resilience for the Journey
Emotional resilience is the ability to adapt and bounce back from life's never ending challenges. The biggest change I have had over the last 6 years is I am able to cope better when sh*t hits the fan around our house.
Embrace Positivity: Focus on the positive aspects of your child's journey. Celebrate their achievements and milestones, no matter how small. I find joy in the small moments, I seek out the good instead of constantly dwelling in the bad. It doesn't mean I don't have down or bad days. I do! I just don't let myself stay down. Having a gratitude journal is a great way to start this. And a bonus of this is that your kids will see you doing it and want to do the same!
Seek Professional Help: Don't hesitate to reach out to therapists or counselors who can provide guidance and emotional support. I attended therapy for 3 years straight to help get me to a place I am today. Do the work- You are worth the time and the work it takes to get to a better place!
Develop a Routine: Establishing a daily routine can provide a sense of calm and stability and reduce stress overall. In our house we thrive on routines- we are flexible in our approach but generally have the same daily routines. It really helps create security and consistency for all our kids! Whether it's a 5 minute stretch and journal or doing morning skin care and getting dressed for the day. Start with 3 things in your routine and build from there. You will be surprised how good it feels to set yourself up for success for the day!
Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that you can't control everything. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your child. THIS is by far something that I struggle with the most in the beginning. I think part a big part my depression and despair in the beginning was having all the wrong expectations. I had to let it go, it's not that I don't have hopes or dreams for him and our life- it's that things never ever happened when I wanted them too. They happen when HE wanted them too. I had to let go and take Sam's lead. Letting go of that control is something that took me years to learn and something I still practice with every new season we are in!
Managing stress as a special needs parent is crucial for your own well-being and for providing the best care for your child. This journey isn't easy but I do truly believe there are things that you can do to make it easier on yourself! By identifying your common stressors, adopting a few coping mechanisms you can start to navigate the challenges with strength and resiliency! Remember, you're not alone on this journey, and there is support available to help you thrive as both a parent and a caregiver. I am rooting for you!
Xo, Sara
Stress Management, Special Needs Parenting Stress, Coping Strategies, Resilience Building, Parental Stress Relief, Emotional Well-Being, Stressors for Parents, Stress Reduction Tips, Support for Special Needs Parents, Parental Well-Being
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