Being a sibling of a child with a disability comes with its own set of joys, challenges, and unique experiences. While these siblings often demonstrate remarkable resilience and compassion, they may also face feelings of confusion, frustration, or even resentment at times. As parents, it's essential to provide support and understanding to ensure their well-being. Our typical kids were really young when Sam was born. Maddie was 5 and my middle, Noah, was just 18 months old! What we have found is that while in the moment things were acutely hard, always leaving, changing schedules, etc... We didn't really see the more lasting impacts of his long hospital stays and our stressful home life until they got a little bit older. We started to see how those past events really impacted them in their day to day life, and still continue to do so. I wanted to open the conversation and share ways in which we have supported our kids and will continue to do as they get older.
1. Foster Open Communication:
Encourage open and honest communication within the family. We have created a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns about Sam. It is important not to diminish their fears but to validate their emotions and listen attentively to their perspectives. Just like my husband and I have our own fears and worries, so do our kids. I want them to feel like their voice matters, even if what they say might be hard to hear at times. It's important to keep the communication rolling, especially as they get older.
2. Educate and Empower:
Its really important to consider what age-appropriate information they need to know about their sibling. Obviously when Sam was younger things were brief and simple. My oldest is almost 11, so her understanding of things is more complex, and therefore we can explain things a lot differently than we could 5 years ago. It's important to help them understand the challenges their sibling may face and how they can offer support. When Sam had surgery last year, instead of trying to glaze over it or hide it, we really let them share their fears and worries and then had them both draw Sam pictures. It really helped them feel like they were doing something to "help". We were honest with them but we always leave things with our family motto "we will figure it out together".
3. Celebrate Individuality:
I know every family situation is different but it's important for them to have their own things. This is especially important as they get into elementary school, we never wanted them to feel like Sam's therapies were more important than their hobbies. In doing so it will acknowledge and celebrate the unique qualities and strengths of each sibling. Encourage activities and hobbies that allow them to pursue their interests and passions independently. Remind them that it's okay to have their own identity and goals separate from their sibling with special needs. If you have a kiddo like our oldest- she naturally is a care taker and always feels responsible for Sam (even if we tell her she isn't). It's really important for us to continually emphasize she can do things just for her!
4. Foster Sibling Bonding:
Create opportunities for siblings to bond and spend quality time together. Plan family activities, outings, or game nights where all siblings can participate and enjoy each other's company. If you have a child who doesn't seem interested in their sibling and maybe they don't have the bond you are hoping for yet, just remember this is a unique situation and it might just take more time. Maddie has a wonderful relationship with Sam, Noah is still working on his with Sam- and with each year as his understanding grows- he becomes closer to Sam. We try to understand that they each need to bond in there own way.
5. Provide Emotional Support:
Be attuned to the emotional needs of siblings and offer support when needed. Validate their feelings of frustration, jealousy, or sadness, and reassure them that their emotions are normal and valid. Noah often used to get jealous of Sam and I understand that, he did (and still does) take a lot of our attention. Which is why we try to do big kid only activities several times a month where they get our 1:1 attention. Don't be afraid to reach out to a play therapist in your area. They are filled with great resources and can really help then navigate these complicated emotions they are feeling! I think the best thing we have done for Maddie and Noah socially is to let them be around other kids who also have siblings with special needs. It really helps them feel supported and less alone in this journey. Look at your church or local moms group for meet ups and other events that allow your typical kids to around other siblings who are dealing with the same challenges they are.
Nurturing the siblings of special needs kids requires patience, understanding, and intentional effort. We are still figuring this out as we go, but I hope what I shared was helpful for you. By fostering open communication, empowering them, and providing emotional support, you can create a more supportive environment where all siblings thrive and flourish in their own way. Maybe this isn't how you thought things would go but if I have learned anything it is that with every season things are different. So, if you are in a rough one right now, I see you and you are not alone! I would love to hear from you. How do you help foster these relationships in your family? Do you have any advice to share for other parents? If so, share below!
Xo, Sara
Special needs, Family support, Sibling relationships, Understanding differences, Empowering siblings, Communication, Emotional support, Celebrating individuality, Family bonding
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