Being a parent to a child with a disability, the responsibilities can be both immense and continuous. In the midst of doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and the daily intricacies of caregiving, it's easy for self-care to slip far down on the priority list. It can be so far from your thoughts that you think “nothing will help” at this point. If you have felt that way or are currently feeling this way, this is for you!
I know the struggle “how can I take care of myself when I have so many other more important things to do”…However, it's precisely during these times that finding moments for ourselves becomes not just a luxury but a necessity. It can be easy to lose track of you in your role as a caregiver. I think we have all been there at one point or another. But just like putting your oxygen mask on first in an airplane, you will reach a point when you have had enough, and you will want to find a way to maintain your own mental and physical health.
Something I encourage you to do is lowering the bar for yourself. My husband and I have adopted “good enough parenting” since Sam came along. The standards we had before were just NOT POSSIBLE to maintain, and we learned that the hard way, burnout city. Basically being “good enough” is exactly what it sounds like- showing yourself some grace and compassion, and instead of trying to DO IT ALL, some days you have to settle for “good enough”
Let’s first start with acknowledging what you ARE doing instead of focusing on all that you aren’t! So the first piece of this is answering these:
1- What is ONE thing you are already doing that you can give yourself credit for?
2- What are TWO new things you can do in the margins you already have?
3- What is ONE thing you can let go of/delegate/reframe so that you can add an element of self care to your life?
How to carve out “ME TIME”
Every human being needs TIME for themselves. There's no badge for burnout so it’s time to hang up the “I don’t need breaks' ' mentality and start accepting- you are a human being with human needs and every single human needs a break, needs rest and needs care. And you my friend, NEED MORE than most because your load is more than most. It doesn’t mean you can’t handle it, it means you are HUMAN. And this journey was not meant to be carried alone!
Finding magic in the mundane.
If you have followed me for any amount of time, or maybe you haven’t and you are new around here… I love routines! I have found that it is important to find JOY in the routines and use the structure we have to help me maintain my healthy habits!
Unlike most people, I can tell you that every Wednesday from 4-5 my two boys will be in therapy. I can tell you that every Monday Sam will have PT at home from 4:30-5:30. These are set in stone. I know you have set times too for therapies for your child, times when you are waiting. I wanted to give you some ideas on how to fill your cup even while maintaining your household!
- Use therapy sessions as an opportunity - Find out if the therapist office has Wifi and plan to bring your device. Use that time to do something for YOU. Maybe it's online shopping, maybe it's planning some healthy meals, maybe it's scheduling that check up or pinning crafts on Pinterest. Make that time the time you fill YOUR cup. Whether it's reading a book or catching up on the phone with a friend. Make this time YOURS.
- During home sessions- there was a time recently where I took a nap while Sam had therapy upstairs. I had an AWFUL migraine and really needed to lay down, so I did. I can tell you that a 40 min nap was life giving! Maybe you use that time to try a new recipe, paint your nails or get in a home workout, or maybe it’s a time when you shower or take a bath. Refrain from using up every second for doing chores- and do something for YOU!
- Early bedtime - Sam goes to bed early, so this really allows us to have some quality time with our typical kiddos. We can play a game, watch a movie or even sometimes we have sent our big kids to the grandparents and then Pat and I can have a date night in. Pat and I will often alternate walking in the evenings too, depending on who needs it more that evening- I can guarantee you that a 30 minute walk outside in fresh air is so soothing and a great way to wind down!
- Drive time/parking lot time- As special needs parents, we spent a lot of time driving, and being in the car. Choose fulfilling and interesting podcasts or audiobooks to help you pass the time! Maybe you have a passion you miss doing, or a hobby you used to have back in the day- start it up again! At the very least you could always take a nap to refuel. I have napped in my car more times than I care to admit!
Redefining "me time" is not about finding grand stretches of uninterrupted leisure but about recognizing and embracing the power of small moments. It’s about finding the margin in your day. It is there, I promise! If you are thinking its not there, then I really want you to consider WHAT you are giving that margin to. Maybe this isn't the season you need to say no more so it creates more margin. By reframing self-care as a series of manageable and flexible activities, you can cultivate a healthier balance between caregiving responsibilities and personal well-being.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out, celebrate small victories, and allow yourself the grace to prioritize your own needs. In doing so, you not only fill your own cup but also ensure that you have the energy and resilience to continue being the amazing parent your child needs.
Rooting for you,
~ Sara
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Self care, Special needs parent, Me time, Caregiver burnout, Finding balance, Mental health, Parenting tips, Routine, Healthy habits, Personal well-being
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