If you are raising a child with a disability, I don’t have to tell you how meaningful and rewarding it is, because you already know. It also comes with a unique set of challenges. When you're raising a child with a disability, those challenges can sometimes feel isolating, lonely and overwhelming. In the midst of advocating for your child's needs and navigating the complexities of their diagnosis, the healthcare system and the lifelong hurdles ahead of you, it's crucial not to overlook your own mental well-being. Before you write this off as another “self care isn’t selfish” blog article I want you to really think about the importance of prioritizing your mental health and how therapy can be a valuable tool for you along this journey.
Let me take you back…
Having children was difficult for my husband and I. I had one miscarriage before my oldest was born and then 2 more before my middle son. Navigating all of that and being a newly postpartum mom of two kids was very tough on me mentally. I remember feeling not like myself, depressed and anxious, feeling things I had never ever felt before. My mental health was probably at an all time low for me at the time. I realized that I needed to take care of myself and at that time, I never even considered therapy. I just started with exercise. And to be honest that did wonders for me. It helped with my anxiety, I started feeling better and more like myself.
And then I got pregnant again, and our world was turned upside down. Not only would we be welcoming a little boy with Down Syndrome into our family, we were also thrown into the NICU world when he was born at 25 weeks. The thought of doing anything extra (like therapy) there was no time for it. Or so I thought. And to be honest I thought I could exercise and that would be enough. And it was until it wasn’t.
Sam's medical complexities and bringing home a baby on Bipap and NG tube feedings, plus managing our two other young kids brought on a level of fight or flight that quite literally was running me into the ground. I was reaching a level of burnout that was becoming scary. All of the trauma, lack of sleep, and never ending stress was causing me physical symptoms. I was having migraines, I couldn’t get off the couch, I felt so ill and one day I even passed out in the carline. I need professional help.
I think there is this stigma around mental health and therapy. Maybe less so now than 10 years ago- but I know I didn’t want to appear like I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t want anyone to doubt my capabilities. I was trying to keep it all together and do it all, but I was imploding. Through therapy I learned some extremely valuable tools, resources and techniques that have become part of my survival tools. I also learned the most valuable lesson of all. I have learned that this journey- of raising a child with a disability - was never ever meant to be done alone. It is OK to ask for help. It is OK to say no. And it is OK to prioritize your mental health. Here are 5 things that I have gained from seeing a therapist over the last 4 years.
Emotional Support
One of the primary benefits of therapy for is the opportunity to receive emotional support. It's normal to experience a wide range of emotions—from love and joy to frustration, resentment and sadness—when caring for your child with special needs. Therapy offers a safe and non-judgmental space to express these feelings, allowing us to process our emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. I felt empowered that I could speak freely, and say the things that I was feeling. I needed validation, understanding and quite honestly someone to tell me I wasn’t a horrible mom for feeling the way I felt.
Building Coping Strategies
Caring for a child with a disability often involves managing numerous stressors, including financial strain, logistical challenges, and dealing with stressful situations over and over again. Therapy equipped me with effective coping strategies to navigate these stressors and cultivate more resilience. These tools have helped me so much. Whether it's practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, or helping me not get lost in that “rabbit hole” thinking.. therapy provided me with practical tools to enhance my mental well-being. I also completed EMDR therapy- which is a therapy that helps you process specific traumatic events so they no longer weigh you down. This was by far the most impactful piece of my therapy journey that continues to help me as the years have passed by.
Managing Caregiver Burnout
The constant, never-ending hamster wheel of demands of caregiving can take a toll on parents' physical and emotional health, leading to caregiver burnout. I have been there and chances are so have you too. Therapy helped me recognize the signs of burnout and implement realistic practices to prevent exhaustion and depletion. By prioritizing my own well-being, I can sustain my energy levels and continue providing the best possible care for my child. Most often we as caregivers will not stop until we are so far gone, these tools allowed me to recognize when it was coming on- and be proactive about preventing it.
Strengthening Parent-Child Relationships
This one was huge for me. I felt IMMENSE guilt for all the time Sam's care took away from his siblings. The guilt was debilitating and to be honest it is something that I still have from time to time. My therapist not only gave me valuable insights into effective communication strategies and positive parenting techniques that helped me navigate this life better for my older two kiddos as well as Sam.
Advocating for Yourself and Your Child
Navigating the complex healthcare and education systems can be daunting for parents of children with disabilities and I feel like having a nurse background empowered me but truly by seeking out therapy for myself- I learned how to advocate for my well being- and in turn I became a more effective advocate for my children! Therapy equipped me with the knowledge and skills to communicate assertively and access the resources my kids have needed to thrive. I hope this encourages you to reach out for help. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Your mental health matters, and by taking care of yourself, you're better able to care for your child and navigate the ups and downs of parenting with more grace and resilience. This road wasn’t meant to be done alone!
How has attending therapy helped you in your parenting journey? I would love to hear from you! If you found this helpful, please share with a friend!
Mental health, Parenting, Disability, Therapy, Coping strategies, Caregiver burnout, Emotional support, Advocacy, Resilience, Self-care
I am rooting for you! ~ Sara
Special Needs Moms, Self-Care for Parents, Parenting with Special Needs, Wellness for Mothers, Support for Special Needs Moms, Balancing Parenthood, Self-Compassion, Respite for Moms, Special Needs Parenting Tips, Prioritizing Health
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